Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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