have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
whose parrot is this?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
