honey bunches of taint.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
