i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
