Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I deserve this hangover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
