The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
