Me too!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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