I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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