All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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