walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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