On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
