well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
