where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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