Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
