Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
