it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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