I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
