he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is puke in my bra ... again
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