he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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