Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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