why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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