I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
