happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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