i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
