i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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