I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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