Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
