You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
