I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
now i know why i became what i already was.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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