I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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