She's JV to your varsity
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
