I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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