Someone shit on the floor
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
