Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Randomize
