We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
