I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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