How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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