my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
