Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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