i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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