strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
