Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize