Its about making memories worth repressing
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
