whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
