So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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