Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
