I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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