Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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