I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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