i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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