My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My feet surprised me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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