I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize