Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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