Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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