she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
