8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
