Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
