My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
