so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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