Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sober January is a disaster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
