So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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