RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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