there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
