im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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