Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
