I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
