he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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