There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
