i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
