Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
