When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
