You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
