well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
