Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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