Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
