...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you never un-have a 4some
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
