I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
