Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
