I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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