Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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