I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my shit smells like andre
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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