i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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