Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
