i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
