I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
