He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
