grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
