I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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