i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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