Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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