I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
