So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
