I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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