if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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