i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
