Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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