What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize