Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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