Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
