u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
