I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
