So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
