If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
