Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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