You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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