Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
