It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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