fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
