we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
