Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
