Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
